Shill Bidding, Naïveté, Auction Fun

Warning 1: Long post. Also, there’s some strong mis-construed anger-language in this post. For those who are offended, I don’t have the time to translate the German language part of this post. Sorry. I know how it hurts to read/hear German. At least, as a consolation, this blog doesn’t bark IT at you like THEY do.

Warning 2: There might be some superficial and offensive ranting regarding race, creed and Germans in this post. But if anyone has read any of this blog then that’s probably OK. Actually… Scratch that last remark. There will be some ranting on Germans only here. I apologize in advance - especially to my host country - for the fact that I’m so fucking rude.

Wow. Another altercation with that make-money-on-pennies or cover-your-margins-anyway-you-can Internet Auction Website (dot “de”). Although I have certain idealogical problems with this site, I use it regularly as a buyer - especially when I need to curb my need(s) for a typewriter. But I am inexperienced as a seller - hence, naiveté.

The technical auto-mechanization of a sucker born everyday has come full circle.

Fuckin’ eh, Bubba! Here’s to twenty first century lookin’ out for number one - one click at a time.

Before I continue, here’s a post about a previous altercation with that silly Internet Auction Website (dot “de”). I suppose it’s high-time that the altercation perspective switch - you know, previously I was the/a buyer and now I am the/a seller. Unlike the previous altercation, this particular situation is very much my own doing. As of today (or the past few auction days) I am a shill bidder.

And I’m fuckin’ proud of it.

As of April X (it’s bad luck to mention this date), I have sold exactly four things on this… Internet Auction Website (dot “de”). While I’m at it… Since I’m in this soul searching mood… I have shill bid on two of those four items. The reason for shill bidding? I never bothered to read the… Internet Auction Website rules & regulations. The reality is, I don’t give a shit about their fuckin’ rules. I just want(ed) to dump some shit - for a fair price.

WAIT.

Fair? Did I just use the word “fair”?

Since I’m an ex-pat in fucking Germany… does this mean that I too have become a pseudo-communist?

Fair? Yeah. Right. Gulp. Gulp. Gulp.

If anything, this… Internet Auction Website (dot “de”) is nothing more than a transgression in the new & upcoming world of diminishing returns. Technologically, the whole thing is quite a feet - I guess. But who the fuck cares if the only thing it produces is, well, pennies per transaction - and people who think they can fuck you because, well, they are ahead in the learning curve of… technological diminishing returns and understanding the complexity of pricing schemes the world over.

Seriously. Am I on the only one out there to perceive the whole dotcom thing as a sick joke? I never thought the re-distribution of wealth proposed by Karl Marx had any intellectual value - until I worked in the dotcom joke and experienced first hand the spiteful holding back of the “old economy” so it could choke the life out of anything that could potentially bring providence to new generations.

And here we are today…

I never thought it would be all that serious, this “auctioning” of stuff. I guess it only gets serious when you realize… ooops! I should have put a “BuyItNow” function on that fuckin’ auction. And. I shouldn’t auction off relatively expensive krapp to bureaucratic-lawyer obsessed Germans. The drunkenness of (eventually) realizing that you have something to sell overwhelms your ability to spend any time reading Internet Auction Website rules & regulations. (Especially if the thing you’re trying to sell, well, you actually stole…) I guess.

Enter the goody-two-shoes German…

Don’t worry. There is no such thing as a goody-two-shoes German. There are only monotone Germans that can fix your bridge or your fucking nuclear power plant. Wait. Sometimes there’s one that can actually fix your car - but only if it’s a Mercedes or Porsche and you’re an Arab Sheik. Other than that… wait in line for your fucking sauerkraut. Du Vixxer.

Anywho. After reading the… Internet Auction Website (dot “de”) rules & regulations and knowing that I’m both a hypocrite and a loser (or worstwriter), I thought: My fuckin’ goodness! I fucked up… But I don’t care that I fucked up… I WILL get a fair - if not real - price for whatever I’m selling, irreverent of the arrogant mistake I made in posting the auction under the assumption that eBay might bring the right kind of buyers.

Ooops! Did I just mention that… Internet Auction Website (dot “de”)?

If the auction-powers-that-be don’t agree - fuck them! I will go against the pre-established rules & regs, retract my offer, leave the buyer standing - and look for someone to give that shit to. We’re talking selfish principle here. At the least, I’m not giving shit away to a snitch-buyer even if he says he won’t make me choke on it. I may be naive in this world of technological penny-margins, but I blow those who I am in agreement to blow. Basta!

Beyond that… I can live w/out all this superficial penny-earning technology. Right?

Do I care if my convictions don’t blend well with Germans and their Klugscheißer mentalities? It was a private auction, for goodness sake. But then again, if you must know, the one fear I have as a loser ex-pat is this: German bureaucracy and German blood sucking lawyers.

It’s un-fucking-believable how serious these fucking Germans take/make this Internet Auction Website (dot “de”). Seriously. Does it work like this in the States? What’s wrong with a bit of shill bidding? Doesn’t it add to the eBay advertising mystique? Oh, wait a sec…

Shill Bid or not, there comes a time when the… Internet Auction Website (dot “de”) should recognize the advantage of rummaging. Come on Internet Auction Website (dot “de”). I was/am willing to pay your auction charges even if I fuck-up an auction. The price that the last bidder gave was OK. Seriously. I checked the retail price of what I was selling - it was more than double of what the final bid offered. But then, somehow, magically, I suppose, the bidder threatened me because he saw my shill bid - and he added that he made a mistake bidding anyway. Yeah. Make the world go ’round…

OK. I’ve been caught red-handed. I deserved to be caught.

Hats off to the German buyer that not only caught me but also, maybe, might have saved the world from a future of manipulative sub-100,- Euro Internet auctions. But before they trek me off and deport me… The thing I hate most about having to live among the Germans is their lust for Schadenfreude.

Below the German and American-English transcript of a failed Internet Auction (dot “de”) where the buyer caught me at Shill bidding and subsequently threatened to tell on me. That’s right. He literally threatened me after he tried to weazel out of his final bid. How unprepared could a seller be?

Anywho. I stand by my “shill bid” and look forward to every German that challenges it/me. I also have learned my lesson and won’t shill bid with my girlfriends user name anymore. Instead I will ask friends to shill bid for me that aren’t so identifiable to me. You know, like everyone else does…

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Vorhergehende Nachrichten

eBay 01.04.08 um 16:51:33 MESZ

Die Unstimmigkeiten wegen eines nicht bezahlten Artikels wurden aus folgendem Grund beigelegt: der Verkäufer hat die Kommunikation mit dem Käufer beendet und eine Gutschrift der Verkaufsprovision beantragt.

Seller (moi) 01.04.08 um 16:51:32 MESZ (Had to post this in English because the German ran out of me.)

To eBay: I am sorry for this situation. The shill-bid I made was not to manipulate the buyer but instead to get a fair price for this article. The buyers immediate response that he purchased out of haste should have caused a different response on my part. But I make no concession to him because he either cannot read (German) or he was trying to manipulate us with our error. The price of around 80,- Euros for this article is/was more than fair. But I digress.
Sincerely, Thomas Stough (shitty and manipulative auction website seller. Obviously.)

Seller (moi) 01.04.08 um 10:52:18 MESZ (From here on it’s German. I’m really sorry for you sincere (worst)readers! Goethe is sorry, as well - he wished he could write like Shakespeare!)

Alles Klar. Ich habe mich bei ebay gemeldet als “Shill Bidder”. Ich war/bin nicht bereit diese Artikel zu verkaufen für weniger als die Hälfte seines Wertes. Ich habe es vermasselt beim einstellen eine Mindestpreis zu setzen.

Really Sincere Buyer 31.03.08 um 19:29:54 MESZ

Wenn Sie “Shill” so gut kennen, fragen Sie sie bitte, ob sie den Artikel für Ihr Gebot von 78,95 EUR aben möchte. Ich ersetze Ihnen dann die Differenz zu meinem Gebot in Höhe von 7,57 EUR. Dann wäre doch alles geregelt!

Seller (moi) 31.03.08 um 18:58:41 MESZ

Wow. OK. Bitte sagen sie eBay bescheid mit ihren verdacht. Und hier ist etwas mehr Info was sie ielleicht gebrauchen können: “Shill” ist eine bekannte von mir. Oder, vielleicht sogar eine “Kunde”. “Shill” und ich sind Freunde geworden über eBay seit ihre erste Kauf von mir. Ich fick Sie regelmassig auch noch. Bei diese Auktion geht es nicht um “bid-padding” - oder? Sie brauchen nur in den bids zu schauen. Aber danke für den Hinweis.

Really Sincere Buyer 31.03.08 um 18:08:14 MESZ

Sturheit führt hier leider nicht weiter!

Im übrigen werde ich Ebay noch bitten, die Gebote von “Shill” auf Ihre Artikel zu überprüfen, da es ganz danach aussieht, dass diese gegen die Ebay-Grundsätze
verstossen.

Ich biete Ihnen 10 EUR als Aufwandsentschädigung an, wenn damit der Fall geklärt ist.

Von Dienstag, 01.04. bis Donnerstag, 03.04. bin ich nicht erreichbar.

Seller (Moi) 31.03.08 um 15:47:08 MESZ

Bitte bezahlen Sie wie vereinbart. Nur dann bleibt alles “unkompliziert und ohne unnötige Kosten.”

Really Sincere Buyer 31.03.08 um 14:15:14 MESZ

Es ist doch Unsinn, den Artikel umsonst einmal durch Deutschland zu schicken. Die Unstimmigkeit sollte doch zu lösen sein, wenn Sie den Artikel direkt weiter verkaufen und ich Ihnen wie angeboten eine kleine Differenz bezahle. Es sollte Ihrerseits zumindest auch eine Bereitschaft da sein, die Sache schnell, unkompliziert und ohne unnötige Kosten zu lösen.

Seller (Moi) 31.03.08 um 14:07:34 MESZ

Bitte erst bezahlen Sie wie vereinbart. Sie können dann “anderweitig” verkaufen.

Really Sincere Buyer 31.03.08 um 12:03:48 MESZ

Bitte versuchen Sie, den Artikel anderweitig zu verkaufen. Sollte eine kleine Differenz bleiben, werde ich diese ausgleichen, damit alles in Ordnung ist.

Seller (Moi) 31.03.08 um 11:11:00 MESZ

Zanderstruck darf weiter verkaufen wenn er erst seine Verantwortung für diese Auktion übernimmt.

Really Sincere Buyer 31.03.08 um 10:01:27 MESZ

Ich bat darum, dass seitens des Verkäufers über die Ebay-Funktion Kontakt zu unterlegenen Bietern aufgenommen wird.

eBay 31.03.08 um 09:50:22 MESZ

Unstimmigkeiten wegen eines nicht bezahlten Artikels: Nokia KFZ-Einbausatz - Advanced Car Kit - CK-7W (Artikelnummer xxx xxxx xxx xxxx) Begründung: Der Käufer hat den Artikel nicht bezahlt. Vom Verkäufer gemeldetes Verhalten des Käufers: Der Käufer fordert eine Zahlungsmethode, die ich nicht akzeptiere.

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Rant bilingually,

-tgs-